After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
