Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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