everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
