when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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