Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
