Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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