he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
