we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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