Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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