when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
