I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
