yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
