Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
