before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
