I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
