She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My life is pants optional.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
