end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He felt like a one man threesome
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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