Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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