3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
