They should really pass out barf bags in church
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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