he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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