I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
