They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
