I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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