I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
