nut hugger
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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