Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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