He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
