If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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