I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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