You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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