..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
