I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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