Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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