Cold hands, warm shart.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Randomize
