You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
