I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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