my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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