was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
