Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
