He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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