I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
