Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
