one two three fourrrrnication!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
