There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
