I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
