remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
