And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
