I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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