I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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