there's paper in my vomit.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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