Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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