i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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