He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
